Penalty Game Show
by The Unsolvable Riddle
Summary: Who really is the King of Game Shows? (PG-13 because of Shadi, and just to be safe. Might eventually be a collection of game show parodies. Contains my bad sense of humor.)


This is my parody of Legends of the Hidden Temple. Does anyone remember this? I loved this show…

It's still on Nickelodeon GaS sometimes, so you should go watch it. I was sudden struck by the idea as I was watching it, because it reminded me of Yami Bakura. 

I was thinking of doing a whole little spoof, with lots of different games shows. If anyone likes this, I'll do more. It's fun to write parodies, even thought I have a very bad and sick sense of humor. This is purely for a few cheap and quick laughs, to amuse myself (it's been snowing all weekend) so don't take anything in here too seriously. 

Warnings: I dunno. I suppose I had some fun with a few couples [Honda/Otogi, Yami Yugi/Seto, tiny Jounouchi/Ryou are the only ones that come to mind, but they're nothing major]. I call Malik's hate-manifestation thing Yami Malik, just to make it easier. 

Contains a talking, perverted, Isis-hating stone (and probably stoned) Shadi, a hologram of Gozaburo, Yami Yugi and Seto fighting like a married couple, a spoilt 'got milk?' ad (ha-ha. Get it?), and many other fun-but-deadly things. 

The Key:

"Blah." - Normal speech.

****

"Blah." - Promotional stuff/ads or emphasis.

__

"Blah." - Shadi.

__

"[Blah]." - Shadi again, talking to himself.

(Blah) - Other notes, description.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, because my life is evil and stuff. 'Legends of the Hidden Temple' belongs to Nickelodeon, and it especially rocked when it used to be on old skool Nick. Ah, the good times. Any and all ad/promotional spoofs belong to their respective companies/peoples. I only make fun of them because I love them. 

Legends of the Hidden Tomb

The whole set looks strangely cartoon-like, and the audience stays silent for a moment, before bursting into applause and screams. The logo appears, but with it's more like the Yu-Gi-Oh logo. The camera pans over the entire set, before stopping at the audience. Notable faces are Isis, Shizuka, Sugoroku Mutou, some of Pegasus' henchmen, some Rare Hunters, and various different contestants from the Duelist Kingdom. 

Pegasus pops up in front of the camera, in his khaki explorer outfit. He adjusts his hat and taps his microphone, before beginning.

"Yes, yes! Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Tomb!"

"Oi! You! I wanted to see the Legends of the Hidden Temple! I want my money back!" A random audience member stands up. Pegasus narrows an eye, the other hidden by his hair. 

"I know that the scheduled program is Legends of the Hidden Temple, but due to a few difficulties, we had to film this as a replacement. Besides, this is going to be so much more fun!" Pegasus toys with a Toon World card for a minute, before winking at the camera.

Pegasus' lackies somehow seem to be seated next to said rioting audience member, cracking their knuckles. The audience member gulps and sits down.

"Anyway, let's get on with the show! Let's introduce our teams first. Please welcome, the Dark Magicians!"

(The Dark Magicians are Yugi and Mokuba. They both wave, and give each other high fives. The fangirls and boys in the audience yell wildly.)

"The Celtic Guardians!"

(This team is Jounouchi and Ryou. Jounouchi waves at the camera, while Ryou just smiles shyly. More screams from the audience.)

"The Harpy Ladies!"

(Obviously, this team is Mai and Anzu. Mai just smirks, while Anzu blows a kiss at the camera. Some hoots and catcalls are heard.)

"The Winged Dragons!"

(This team is Yami Malik and Rishid. Yami Malik has a knife, and is about to stab Rishid. When he realizes that the camera's on him, he hides it behind his back and looks around shiftily. Rishid shudders, and tries to slink away. Yami Malik grabs his collar.)

"The Man-Eater Bugs!"

(This team is Bandit Keith and Gozaburo. God only knows how he got on the show. It's actually a floating machine with a hologram of him. Keith is talking with Gozaburo. Seto Kaiba sweatdrops.)

"Finally, the…ehehehe…Kuribohs!"

(This is [guess who?] Yami Yugi and Seto Kaiba. Seto Kaiba seems outraged.

"What? We were supposed to be the Chaos Magicians! Who did this?!" Yami Yugi smirks, and raises a hand. Yami Yugi just seems to realize he's on the same team, and sweatdrops. Kaiba looks as though he wants to wring Yami's neck. The audience screams in Yami Yugi's defense, and Kaiba just gives them the finger. This is promptly censored.)

[Author's Note: Yami Bakura, Otogi, Malik and Honda? Oh, don't worry, they're in this, just wait.]

"Naughty Kaiba! Now, here's our first challenge. To even start to journey to the temple, our challengers must cross this Moat of Doom! Bwahah…Ahem. To do so, they must grab the rope, and climb onto it, like a sloth. When they reach the other side, they must push this platform across to their partner. When both players are on the other side, they must ring the gong, and they will be safe! The first four players to do so will venture to the next level of pain. Teehee. If either of them falls into the water, they must go back and start again. Contestants, are you ready? I don't really care! GO!"

Yami Malik, who seems to be quite agile, easy slings himself onto the rope. He's holding the knife blade in-between his teeth as his moves along. 

Kaiba appears to be quite good at this too, as Yami Yugi shouts at him to move faster. He shouts something that is quickly muted, and he fumbles for a second. 

Mokuba isn't doing as well, but is still able to get himself onto the rope. He tentively starts to inch across, with Yugi cheering him on. 

The hologram of Gozaburo is quickly disqualified for cheating by simply floating across. Bandit Keith rolls his eyes, sits down, and puts his feet into the water. 

Mai is making her way across steadily, with catcalls from the audience. She rolls her eyes, and just grips the rope tighter.

Jounouchi is about half way across, his eyes fiercely set on the rope. Bakura looks nervous as he watches Jounouchi go and starts to wring his hands. 

---

Yami Malik gets over first, and grabs the platform from the game attendant, and throws it like a Frisbee over to Rishid. He catches it, grabs the rope, and starts to pull his way across. Yami Malik takes the knife out of his mouth, and runs his finger over the blade. When the attendant tries to take the knife from him, he blasts him into the Shadow Realm, cackling loudly. 

The audience falls silent for a moment, before realizing that Mai's fallen in. 

"Wet t-shirt contest!" Comes a yell from the audience. They all laugh, scream and applaud, as Mai wades her way back, obviously annoyed. 

Seto makes it over next, and throws the platform over to Yami Yugi. It makes it most of the way by air, and then floats quickly over to Yami, who grabs the rope, and swings onto it. He starts to make his way across quickly, having a little trouble keeping his balance. 

Jounouchi is almost over, and he jumps off, landing hard on the ground. He gets up, and takes the platform, and puts it into the water. He then pushes it over to Ryou, who suddenly looks very nervous. Ryou steps onto the platform, and lunges for the rope, which he barely holds onto. Gulping, he slowly starts to pull himself across. 

Mokuba gets over next, and he tosses the platform over to Yugi. He plants his feet on both sides of the platform, and quickly starts to make his way across. 

Mai made a quick recovery, and pushes the platform over to Anzu. She gets on, and is about to grab the rope, when she stumbles, and falls in. The audience laughs, and more howls come when Anzu surfaces, wet and embarrassed.

"Our first team over is the Dark Magicians!" Pegasus yells, right after Yugi slams his hands down on the gong. Yugi and Mokuba are grinning, and they high five again.

Rishid is just about to get over, when Yami Malik realizes he still has the knife. Pointing it straight at Rishid, he lunges at him. Rishid lets go of the rope with one hand, and narrowly dodges the blade. Yami Malik pouts, and decides to cut the rope instead. He saws at it for a minute, before it falls. Rishid lands in the water, and the Winged Dragons are disqualified. Yami Malik mutters a few curses, and storms off the set, only to take a seat in the audience. Rishid follows, looking nervous. 

"Next, we have the Kuribohs!" Pegasus smirks, only to receive glares from Seto and Yami Yugi. Yami rings the gong, which makes a high-pitched Kuriboh sound. They both glare at each other, and then at Pegasus, who giggles. 

Ryou pushes down on the gong, and Jounouchi grins. "Our third team is the Celtic Guardians!"

The only team left, the Harpy Ladies, finally finish. A soaking wet Anzu rings the gong. Anzu and Mai sigh, and try to wring out their clothes. 

---

"That ends our first round! Our surviving teams are; The Dark Magicians, the Celtic Guardians, the Kuribohs, and the Harpy Ladies!" Pegasus announces, waving his arm towards the teams. The audience applauds and yells. 

"However, our other contestants don't go home empty handed! You win this wonderful prize-that's-not-as-good-as-the-others!"

****

"The new book, 'So, You're a Minor Character?' written and signed by Hiroto Honda!"

The four are shown with the book. Bandit Keith and Rishid are reading it intently, while Gozaburo is having trouble holding it, because the robot doesn't have arms. Yami Malik takes the book, and starts to stab it with his knife, mumbling some more curses.

---

"Now, today's tale is of one of the nine Sennen Items, the Tauk! Please, Shadi, enlighten us!"

The camera moves to a large stone carving of a face, which looks uncannily like Shadi, but in a more Pharaoh-like decor. His eyes glow red, and his mouth begins to move. His voice booms, and everyone listens.

__

"Many years ago, when I was freshly carved, Pharaohs ruled Ancient Egypt. They played games of great power, but also of great darkness. These were called Shadow Games. However, over time, these powers started to become much too strong for any mortal to handle…

(The camera moves back to the moat, and the water reveals silhouettes of people.)

The Pharaoh of that time sealed the powers of that Game away, into nine golden objects. These were called the Sennen Items.

(The water reveals a silhouette of someone who looks like Yami Yugi. Then, nine shadowed objects appear.) 

The Item you are questing for today is the Sennen Tau-"

"Aie! My Tauk! Where is it?!" Comes a shout from the audience. Isis stands up, and the camera pans in on where her Tauk usually is, there's a white eye-shaped mark on her neck. Pegasus snickers, and Shadi returns to telling the story.

__

"[Haha, Isis! Narnynarynarnar! I never liked you anyway. I've got your Tauk in my Tomb! Looooooser!]

****

AHEM! As I was saying;

One of these Items, the Sennen Tauk, gave the holder the ability to see into the future. Bandits have stolen the Tauk from it's rightful owner, and have hidden it in my Tomb. I promised them I would protect it, but if another came to rescue it, who was a righteous soul, I would not stop them. Many evil souls have tried to steal the Tauk. Will you be of good heart to be allowed into my Tomb, and then save the Tauk? Will you give it back to it's owner? Or-"

(A few scenes are played out in the water. One of the bandits [one looks like Yami Bakura], a shadow that looks like Isis, and one of the Tauk.)

"Ohoho, if any of you get it, you better return it to me! I'll get you Shadi. I know it was you!"

__

"[Prove it, bitch.] 

Will you return the Tauk to it's owner? Or will you claim this priceless, powerful object to yourself?

[Damn, I know I would. Why do I have to be the talking head? If nobody wins, can I keep the Tauk? Is it allowed in my contract? I want the Tauk. It's purty.]

So, adventurers…will you survive the challenges that await you?"

The camera pans back to the contestants. Anzu and Mai are doing their make-up, and Seto, Yami Yugi and Jounouchi are doing their hair, all trying to see themselves in Seto's tiny mirror. Mokuba has fallen asleep, his head leaning on Yugi's shoulder, and Yugi is asleep, but still standing up. Ryou yawns, and continues to examine his nails.

__

"Ahem, I said;

****

Will you survive the challenges that await you?" Shadi yells, which immediately wakes up and/or catches the attention of the players. 

"I dunno."

"Maybe."

"Are we being graded on this?"

__

"It was a rhetorical question, you fools."

"Ah. I see."

The camera goes back to Pegasus, who just smiles. 

"We'll be right back, after a word from our sponsor!"

---

****

"Sure, us tomb robbers need to drink a lot of liquids to stay hydrated in the hot desert sun. When Ra is high in the sky, milk is the drink of my choice.

However, few people know that chocolate milk contains the same nutrients, vitamins and minerals as normal milk. So, if you need a good tasting drink, why the hell am I reading this? Ow! Stop it! That tickles! Okay, okay, just move the cue cards a little closer!

So, if you need a good tasting drink, don't forget about chocolate milk. Just take a camel and – What do you mean I'm not allowed to describe how to milk a camel?"

Got chocolate camel milk?

The drink of psychopathic tomb robbers everywhere.

(Yami Bakura appears with a chocolate milk moustache. He grins, and gives a thumbs-up. He then promptly attacks the camera. Screams for help are heard. End of Commercial.)

---

"Welcome back, to Legends of the Hidden Tomb!" Pegasus stands before a series of steps, all slightly hidden by sand, and all with a faint Eye of Horus on their front-facing side. 

"Welcome to the Sands of Knowledge! Here, Shadi will ask our contestants questions about the Sennen Tauk, the Sennen Items in general, along with questions related to the story he just told. If you think you or your teammate knows the answer, stomp on the ankh panel just below your feet. The first two teams to make it to the bottom will proceed to the next round. Ready, okay!" Pegasus giggles, and Shadi's eyes light up again.

__

"[I love the Tauk, and the Tauk loves meeee…]

Uh, sorry. Here's the first question. How many Sennen Items are there all together?"

Yami slams his foot down on the tablet with incredible force, and Seto jumps back in surprise. Yugi follows right after, but the eye on the Kuriboh's step lights up first. 

"Yes, Yami Yugi?" Pegasus looks at the Kuribohs.

"Nine."

__

"…That is correct."

Seto rolled his eyes at being beaten, as he and Yami stepped down. Yami smirks, and elbows Seto. This results in Yami being slapped lightly on the cheek. 

Yami's arm snaps back to throw a punch while Shadi continues with the questions.

__

"What ability does the Sennen Tauk give it's holder?"

Even though Yami knows the answer, he's too busy trying to punch Seto, who is now sinking into a particularly deep pile of sand. Ryou's foot taps the panel, and Pegasus looks over to him expectantly.

"It can grant visions of the future."

__

"…Correct."

Jounouchi slaps Ryou on the back. Ryou almost falls off of the step, Jounouchi only catching him by the collar. 

__

"Who coughthatevilbitchcough did I **borrow** the Tauk from?"

"SHADI!" Isis screams from the crowd. Shadi snickers.

Anzu (with her amazing dancing ability), quickly stomps down on the panel.

"Isis Ishtar."

__

"...Indeed."

Anzu and Mai step down, both smiling. 

(The game progresses, and it ends up that the Harpy Ladies and the Dark Magicians win.)

---

Seto and Yami Yugi also take their seats next to the rest of the ex-contestants. They both start yelling at each other, and Pegasus shrugs. 

"Aren't you supposed to be the King of Games?!"

"So? That has nothing to do with this! I'm not the King of Game Shows!"

"Well, you two win;

****

Life size replicas of the Sennen Items!"

Seto pouts, and whacks Yami Yugi over the head with the fake Sennen Rod. Yami Yugi chucks the (fake) Sennen Eye at him in response.

Ryou yelps when he sees the replica Sennen Ring, and Jounouchi plays with the Scales. 

Isis, in hopes that it will make her feel better, steals Ryou's replica Sennen Tauk, and fastens it around her neck. Ryou pouts, but when Jounouchi offers his, he blushes.

Jounouchi shrugs, and puts it in the case with Ryou's other replica Sennen Items anyway.

The Eye bounces down the stands where the audience is sitting. Yami Bakura scurries on stage, and picks of the fake Eye. He sniffs it, licks it, and runs off again. 

The audience is silent, most with a face that resembles 'O___o'. 

"I had nothing to do with that!" Ryou blinks, before waving his hands in front of him, in his defense. 

"Wow, that was freaky. Anyway, let's continue! Our four contestants will play four games as teams. If they win the game, they will receive a part of this Sennen Puzzle Token," Pegasus shows what looks like a quarter of the Puzzle. "So, it is possible to win two whole Sennen Puzzles. The use of these will be revealed later. The team with the most pieces of the Puzzle will proceed to the final round!"

The audience cheers, quickly forgetting about Yami Bakura's little show. 

(To save us time and reading material, let's just say it was a landslide, in favor of the Dark Magicians. Yugi and Mokuba ended up with two Sennen Puzzles.)

Yugi and Mokuba both grin and sweat drop, while Yami Yugi and Seto can't help but cheer for the two. They then start arguing on who was better.

Anzu and Mai both blink, and blush when they realized they were massacred. 

"But don't worry! As a consolation prize, you win a $1000 dollar shopping spree!"

Mai and Anzu giggle, take the certificates, and run off the set. 

"That's not fair! We get some cheap Sennen Items and they can go buy stuff!" Yami Yugi protested.

"Yeah! Me and Mou Hitori no Yugi needed some more leather! And buckles…"

"Shiny buckles…goood…"

They both start drooling, and promptly sit down. 

Most of the audience starts squealing at the idea of both in bondage.

Pegasus, a bit pink in the face himself, coughs and decides to continue.

"Shadi, will you do the honors?"

__

"Oh, get your minds out of the gutter! Although, I myself can't turn down a good fanart of Malik in bondage…"

This comment returns the 'O___o' look to the audience's faces, which is quickly replaced by the thought of Malik in bondage, which causes drooling.

Malik appears on stage, walks over to the Shadi statue, and slaps him. He then quickly stomps off stage.

"Don't you say such things about my brother, you pervert!" Isis screams from the audience. She slaps the nearest drooling fan, and huffily sits back down.

__

"Oh, shit. Did I say that out loud?" Shadi muses, before returning to what he was originally meant to say. Yugi and Mokuba are both thoroughly scarred, and cling to each other.

__

"Getting back on track;

So, (fake automated voice) Yugi and Mokuba, you have reached the final test. If you dare to enter my Tomb [teehee, that rhymes with womb],"

Entire audience response: 'O___o'

__

"Great terror awaits you (fake automated voice) Yugi and Mokuba. Enter this Tomb [teehee] at your own peril…"

The entrance gate opens, and Pegasus leads Yugi and Mokuba towards it.

"Now, which one of you will go in first?"

"I will." Yugi offered, and stepped closer to the gate. 

__

"Into my Tomb [teehee!]? Are you suggesting-"

"Oh, shut it!" Pegasus shouts, and Shadi's eyes dim. 

__

"[Meanie. I'm telling on you!]"

"I heard that." Pegasus narrows his eyes, and when he's sure that Shadi won't be speaking again, he continues. 

"Since Shadi is such a pervert, I'll have to explain for you…"

(To make a long story very short, Yugi and Mokuba win, and retrieve the Tauk. What did you expect?)

---

"Now, let's hear it for our winning team, the Dark Magicians!" The audience roars in approval.

Mokuba carries the Tauk back to Isis, who squeals, and throws the fake Tauk at Jounouchi. It whacks him in the head, and he faints. Ryou looks worried, and bends down to help him up. Isis puts the real Tauk back on, and smirks proudly. Shadi mumbles a few curses. 

"As your prize, you win this…NEW CAR!" Pegasus sweeps his arm back, and from behind a curtain, guess what? It's a totally gorgeous red sports car, and Yugi and Mokuba both go all starry-eyed when they see it. 

They then both sniff, realizing they're too young to drive. 

Yami Yugi and Seto both start fighting over who gets the car.

"I'm the older one!"`

"Not by much!"

"Try a few thousand years!"

"Do you even know how to drive?"

"How about you teach me?" Yami Yugi says, his voice suddenly much softer.

"I like how your mind works." Seto winks, and he and Yami start to make their way down to the stage.

A muffled yell comes from the car, and Honda's head appears, in the back seat.

"Uh, Otogi, we've got to go."

"Why, Honda? We were having so much fun!"

"Well, you know how I said this was my car?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well, it's not. It's a prize on the show."

"Are you saying we're on television?"

"Yup."

"Oh shit." 

Both shirtless, Honda and Otogi jump out of the car, and run backstage.

This causes screams and shouts from the audience, and Yugi covers Mokuba's eyes.

"Well, that was awkward." Pegasus announces. He sighs, and waves at the camera. 

"See you next time-"

__

"ON LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN WOMB! Bwhahahahah! I've been wanting to say that since the beginning of the show! Geddit? Legends from the Hidden Womb? Hahah, ahahah, oh, God, I wish my face was more flexible."

Pegasus sweatdrops, and throws his microphone into the audience. It hits one guy on the head. He faints, and the guy next to him says he'll sue. Pegasus runs off stage.

Yami Yugi and Seto jump into the car, and drive off the set, with Mokuba, Yugi and a few fans chasing after them.

The camera pans out, to see the applauding, screaming and yelling audience. When the credits are done, an orange company sign, (much like the Sennen Puzzle, the eye on it is black) appears, and Shadi's voice comes in;

__

"LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN WOMB! Bwhahah--!"

****

"Legends of the Hidden Tomb was filmed in front of a live, insane and rabid audience at Millennium Studios in Domino City, Japan."

"Today's program was brought to you buy Milk, the drink of insane Tomb Robbers everywhere. Financial support from Yamis Like You"

(Yami Bakura's laugh is heard.)


End file.
